Abby's Anecdotes - 3 Telecommunications

THE FOLLOWING YARNS ARE 2 IN A SERIES OF MANY - "OLD BLOKES AT PLAY" -  DETAILING THE 'AROUND THE WORLD' TRIP OF ABBY AND RON TYLER IN 1997.

Enjoy, Ed

STORY ONE

The escalators at major railway stations throughout Europe are the steepest, longest and speediest I have ever seen, quite possibly because they service huge crowds in enormous multi-storied buildings.  Zurich station in Switzerland is no exception, in fact I think it probably has the grandaddy of all escalators.
Ron and I were hurrying to catch a train and I was eight or nine steps ahead of him on the escalator.  As I reached the bottom where the stairs disappear on their return journey, I prepared to eject myself from the rapidly moving staircase but I caught my foot on the edge of my suitcase and fell base over apex.
I heard Ron start to laugh at my predicament even though a groove was rapidly being ground into my arm – no thought of "I hope the poor old bugger hasn't hurt himself".  He stopped laughing, however, when he realised that my arthritic knees prevented me from regaining my feet unless I received some assistance.  He, together with his suitcase, ploughed into me and sprawled on top of my prostrate body.  We then both started to laugh when, looking back up the escalator, we saw a young women trying frantically to walk backwards – not an easy task on a moving escalator.  She was definitely not amused when she plummeted into both of us and completed the escalatorial "ménage a trois".  Thankfully, after what appeared to be a very long time but was probably no more than thirty seconds, a young gentleman saw our predicament and extricated me from the bottom of the heap before helping the others to their feet.  
When reflecting on this incident later, both Ron and I expressed our relief that this hadn't happened during the peak hour rush, when the escalator would have been chock-a-block and the domino effect could have taken place.  We speculated on the possible newspaper headlines such as "Two old Australian men buried alive in an escalator disaster" or "Hope fades for the live recovery of two Aussie septuagenarians".  For the rest of our journey I tried to take the inanimate staircases whenever I could and to this day I still suffer slightly from 'Escalatorphobia".

STORY TWO

Public toilets are not free in Europe, or we never found one that was.  The usual charge was sixty eurocents or up to a euro, depending on which function you wished to perform.  I thought this was reasonable, as the majority of the toilets were spotlessly clean and obviously this is only made possible because someone is paid to keep them that way.  Ron, however, was of a different opinion and would tie himself in knots until he could find a hotel or anywhere else that didn't charge, rather than pay this modest amount.  He considered it a matter of principle.
During our stay in Germany we based ourselves in Berlin and, utilising our Eurorail train tickets, took various trips to other cities, some nearby and others a full day's return journey.  One of these excursions was a six or seven hour return trip to Dusseldorf, or that at least was our intended destination.  As we were pulling into Dusseldorf station, Ron decided that he needed to take a pee.  I advised him that the train would only be stopping briefly to offload passengers before continuing on to its next destination and said "You haven't got time to use the loo on the train; you’d better use the one at the station".  Ron's reply was "Bull....!  I'm not paying to take a p..., I'll have time!"  He went to the loo and I disembarked.  To give him credit he very nearly made it but, just as he reached the door of the train to get out, it slammed irrevocably shut.  I pressed the "Open Door" button from the outside and he frantically did the same from the inside but to no avail, and I waved goodbye to him as the train continued on its merry way.
About ten minutes later Ron called me on my mobile and told me that, according to the conductor, the next stop for the train was Bonn, some hour and a half away.  The good news, however, was that another train was returning within fifteen minutes of his arrival, so he would see me again in roughly three hours or more.  I had an interesting time exploring Dusseldorf on my own and then rejoined him on the return trip to Berlin.
This episode did not convince Ron in the slightest that he should pay for a pee at any time during the remainder of our trip, and on several subsequent occasions he very nearly wet himself (as did I from laughing) as a consequence.